Monday, July 18, 2005

Love is hectic

So 2 weeks ago was the most hectic days of my life because my family and I had to meet my Ninongs and ninangs coming from the US with thier own families and such... we had to do a long drive from Abbotsford to Surrey finding the address from 5 to 8 pm and as usual we were late as usual because their was some prayer meeting. Met with my long lost childhood friends Jep And his other bro which i forgot his name... headed inside the house to talk with them but to my suprise there were more...exactly 8 girls (Nicole, Nicoles siter, Joanna, Joanna's sis, Stephanie, Angelica, Tina and Tina's sister) and and 7 ( Me, Jep, Jeps Bro, Marco, Jong, and my 2 bros) of us boys. They were as wacky as the pisconian classmates i had (which were the boys i guess) but hey they knew each other long before i knew them for 15 years whcih is a long ass time!!!! except 1 girl (Joanna) who was a bit but not fully, She left with her lil sister when i came but She smiled at me with her beautiful brown eyes.... got me thinking hehehe But eventualy i became their friend though my brothers were the shyest among the 3 of us.We had to say good bye to Jep and his bro even though i knew them for 5 hours but im glad i finally got to meet him! The next day we all met in my ninangs friends house, we came in a prayer meeting yet again and th ewhole gang ws theri again, got open uped to my new friend and especially with Joanna, shes a hip chichk who loves her music just like me, plus they were excited when i drew their pictures as anime characters...hehehe i guess im only good at that! We then went again like some troupe out for the rescue all the way to Stanley Park in Vancouver, taking picture picture all around the place in scenric water places to totem poles... we then went to a garden resort where their were hills and valleys, plants and flowers and a waterfall, not as big as Niagra but it was kewl...picture taking as usual!

The only thing which weirds the whole situation is that whenever we start somewhere its always at some persons house where theirs food and drinks served for us...so we crashed over their watching a movie "The Incredibles", we then came home at last from our hectic day sleepy and drained to the max but the very next day we had to say good bye to the second batch of family (Marco, Nicole and nicoles sister) in the group and from 8 girls came 6 and 4 boys which was me, my bros and a guy named Jong (Who was th eonly one who laughed at my lame jokes) But onward we went to Harrison springs to see the sights, sand and water but no sun as usual... We ate, went around the sand scultures all over there and later hopped in with the whole gangn and played water squirting action with our portable hovercraft boats, Fun, pricless but COLD and wet.....i got soaked with my friend Jong and didnt have to pay a dime to play cos we were payed together ha ha! Talk about luck!

We then took off and headed to Bridal falls, I on the other hand had to wear my extra trunks and had no t-shirt to wear but my vested hoody didnt suffice for the cold i was feeling as we were heading up the steep path on a mountain just to see it...It was beautiful cos it just flowed down like it was actually raining, but we werent even near to it because it was a bit higher than expected....went up with Jong, Angelica and Joanna and Joanna sister all the way up, Did you know im scared of heights?! o_o but eventually got up there cos i t was my duty to protect the girls incase they fell, cos it was damn steep and slippery! took some pictures here and there all around, went down then headed off to some friends house i do not know but they were a friends friend or my Ninangs and ninongs, played badminton, ate dinner watched "Gothika"... but sadly it wa th elast day for them staying here and had to say out goodbyes, the only thing i got back from all of them was:
1. A hugh and good by from Joanna... <3>"Even when the whole universe dies and goes off into oblivion, the only emotion standing before the inevitable is love" ~ Dyan Hunt, Andromeda

Ok i guess i have to go, sorri for the fast paced story.... cant come into full detail cos its pretty hard writing a blog! ahhhhhhh hahhhahaha! XD

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Gasmask Theory Chapter 1.3

Chapter 1.3
Anjel of death

I could smell it, the stench of sweat and morbid stains all around me. I knew that i was close to the truth...close to hells mouth where the devils dance their seducing powers of lust, with the drugs and alcohol in the mix.. i knew then tha ti had to make a big appereance since im the angel of death to them.

Lab, 5 years ago:
"Is he ready"
"Yes doctor, the subject for the new Mr's is about ready for deployment"
"What about about physical and mental status?"
"All of them normal..... wait a minute somethings happening!!!!"
"Whats wrong??!"
"His vital signs are coming to normal, hes starting to get out of the deep sleep!"
"What can we do, we can stabalize him from here?"
"Call in security with reinforments quick! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!"
The stasus pod shatteres into a million pieces hurling plxiglass and bio liquid everywhere in the lab. And from the wreckage a confused individual runs loose breaking every bone and sinew inside the structure, no one was spared. He had to get out! but there were people in his way, intent to neutralize and process him...he needed to take them out and even the whole facility he he must.
"Rogue leader were in position, awaiting orders!"
"Alpha squad move in and neutralize the subject at hand and keep the scientists alive if you must."
"Understood...."
"Reinforcements are on its way to back you up, so dont get cocky!"
"Right on....All hands move in!!!"

The sentries release a flash bomb to make a hasty offensive but it was no good, too much smoke and shattered glass littered the floor and the individual was at an advantage.... what can you kill what you cant see...? They entered in like cyborgs, making a standpoint with laserguided machinegun rifles and optic sensor vision to detect movement in the area, but they forgot one thing....

"Sir area vector secured, moving up to vector 45c."
"Affirmative."
"Private 1, 2 and 5 wahts your status on the hostages?"
"This is private 1, no sign of hostages here..."
"This is Private 5 reporting, nothing but blood pools everywhere sir."
"..........."
"Private 2, are you there? answer me!"
"Alpha squad, we got a problem, stay alert! were not alone here..."

They were almost at the target, almost to the time when i jump all at once.

"Sir this is strage, theres no sig of bodies or signs of struggle in here...its like they all vanished!"
"Put yourself together soldier! we need to find the perpetrator!"
"What the...?"
"Sir above you!, all dead men hangin on the ceiling!!!!"
"Dammit! who the hell could do such a thing?!"
".....Why not i answer that!"
"Who in hell!!!!"

I came down like a phantom from the ceiling i was on, equipped with a small blade i fashioned with a tritanium alloy broken and made my way at the back of the squad leader, severing his gut then stabbing both sides of his neck. Then i aimed his rifle to the others and took 2 down with me, i ran straight for the one on the main lab computers and and threw my knife aiming his head... he died instantly. I made my way to the other 2 sentries who were after me, spun around in 360 degrees taking their knife from their holsters, did a crane stance and delved my way delivering a slash and stab to their vital point on the upper body of both of them, making them bleed to death fast and painful. Dindt think ofr a second that reinforcements would get here now but i was out numbered, took the nearest grenade belt, release one pin throwing them at the opening door filled with 7 or 9 sentries all ready to take loose fire on me.

It opened, I threw the grenades and ducked for cover.
A big bang blew up outside the lab, both blood and debri all around the floor and walls as i stepped out to see. Not a pretty sight for the weak minded i can tell you that! I then made my way to the middle of the facility where an offcial calling himself Redfir came with a thousand guns pointing at me...I knew this woont be a pretty site but i had another trick up my sleeve, something that will blow them away...!

"So MR1, you managed to escape the sentries eh?!"
"And so...."
"Come back with us and we can make you a bigger and better person"
"I dont have to listen to this...."
"You dont have to really, your just another experiment gone wrong"
"And now you will fix it?"
"Yes that what i was saying...."
"No deal, throw your dirty lies to someone else whos gullible....Your nothing to me!"
"What!!! we made you and we can destroy you!"
"Dont get cocky.... hehehhehe"
"You will regret that, fire at will!!!"
As they fired their machine guns at me, i went for the highest scafolding and jumped as high as i can.....Ripping the flesh from my left arm which concealed their most proudest creation....I knew they amputated my arm to make it a weapon of destruction, a weapon more stronger than a exploding muke and as highly destructive than the first hydrogen bomb. I was their created about to kill my creators, and everything with it...I then raised my arm to the heavens and said;

"I am the Anjel of Death....!!!!!!!!!!"

They all awed and stared at my power as the spherical ball of oblivion rested almost touching my hand, as big as the compound which held everything, it got bigger and bigger as i musted all my strength to hold it in my hand. Then i unleashed it al on them like damnation was upon them, as if judgement was in my grasp! No one will be spared.....

As the ball of oblivion set its untimely demise on to the sentries and scientists below, the compound engulfed it shockwaves and bursts of energy, it fell upon itself swallowing everyone and everything with it. I on th eother hand reached out and scurried myself off from ground zero... and upon the rubble death.

I forgot that along time ago and i was heading in too the front gates of hell like a hooded figure of deth's Grim reaper and i know they were waiting, unaware and prepared for my grand cadenzia...but for now I just have to make this personal...
No love, no death just bloodless silence.

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Gasmask theory Chapter 1.2

Chapter 1.2
Dancing lights

As i fall from the skies of blunder, crashing through the tempest which tried to kill me over and over again, i find myself falling down from the windows of shattered glass and yet I fall once again in pain. Pain that i have never felt in a long time....something i should never have put up with, a mind confused and jaded in many ways that for the longest time i couldnt pull myself to pull the trigger. Maybe it was the drug inside of me affecting my slowly mushed up sponge called a brain, maybe i live inside my world to much that death adn life dont seema reality or an imaginary fact.

I ran silently through the rooftop, slowly dodging obstacles and huge leaps of faiths that i never knew that they were still after me crossing like eagles ready for the kill...they were surrounding me from every corner, i needed to escape, i needed to find the source of this so i will get rid of it. I uunsheathedmy gun from my holster using every bulet as possible to aimat the heathens of MyRiad... but i hesitated, looked down from where i was standing which was above a midnight rave club which was sprawling with unsuspecting victiims and bright light on a dimsetting trancelike music. I strongly aimed down at the glass and shot my way into the night lights.

I fell galantly like a superhero.

As i reached the ground the people who were there paaused for 5 seconds but later on just kep going,the busling of the people was confusingf becuase i didnt know if the MR5 guys actually came down with me so i franticly shoved my waay into the exit and sooner or later they were on me like vultures. One went on top of a bar table,2 were on the high rise canopy plus 2 more were in the crowd...allof them taking out their heavy laser sighted machine guns aiming nearly to my haed. Then the red sprinklers came on. Evryone was at the hihglight of the trance, what a luicky day for me that it was now...everyone was jumping and booming to the sound of sirens. the MR5 were confused beyong belief and for a second i though they were joking hen they held their guns in standby mode but from the looks of it they decided that if they cant get to me,they should probably kill everyone in the room.

Guns went a blazing in every direction, no one could tell which was blood from the red sprays of water and everyone was falling one by one in the dance floor justas the music was at its peak, people were creaming their hearts out as they bled. The all rushed out of the room but no one could get away and for me i stood there like a tiger ready to strike cautiously any time, then i did. I jumped to the nearest stairway to the scafolding and rushed to one of the MR5's and took a shot at them....he ducked luckily but was hit on the shoulder. Two more from the dance floor ran and shot up from where i was standing, i ran while bullets was ricochetting around me, i then shot at them faking my shots to hit the tight ropes holding the blinker lights which in turn swung around down at them ruining their precision shots at me. Fighting them longer would later have utter consequences because i saw some of the bystanders on their mobile phones calling for the cops, i had no choice but to bail.

I ran stright for the exit window yet again landing on the hard concrete alley way but two other MR5's surely came after me running straight, shooting aat me with their heavy machine guns. I ducked just in time, turned 180 degrees and on the walls i unleashed a flying roundhouse kick at one of them delivering one of them to the ground. The other one on the other hand came at me shooting at me, i jumped high and on his gun and punched him in the jaw, then kicked his gut and from the looks of it i knew he wasnt feeling good. the one i kicked got up and tried a fast sucker punches at me, i dodged them, bloked one of his arm and delivered a tight dislocation breaking his arm then elbowed him on the face.

Four were dead and one was injured something that i never have thought that i would do but in the end i did. I seaarched one of the lowlifes and found a card pass to a MyRiad owned club call the "Nevastrum" which was at the heart of the industrialized area where the MyRiad corporation does their dirty work, a place where the dirtiest of lowlifes runtheir crime syndicates hauling the MyRiad strain with people, the city and all around some foreign countries. Im setting my sights at that place and soon i will find the truth about all of this no matter what the cost... because even thought i die in the process im taking everyone with me to hell. As i finished searching them the cops start racing towards the scene and i francticly rushed over a steel fence and made my way into the dark alleys and mists which sprawl up from below.

Now there will be blood, blood that will be slippery as oil and thick as quicksand.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Gasmask theory Chapter 1.1

Chapter 1.1
Fugitive

Today was dark and cold, the winter nights seem so frown that i myself cannot feel the soothing air anymore. It is cloudy now, silent and eery in the moonlight...I sit on my steel chair looking up on the edges of my brokendown palace seeing the sky light up with the fireflies of space they call stars half naked. I was in love before because she was my beautiful diaomond in my hand till she died recently, in my arms of my captors the bloody bastards they were! They had no mercy whatsoever because to get to me they had to go by her and i couldnt do anything to stop her from dying...

I could hear her saying over and over again, "Run! get out of here right now!!!"
I hesistated and did what she did until i slamed the door till i heard a loud bang from a pistol.
That was 3 years ago and i couldnt believe im still alive...still breathing my life away. I should kill myself right now but it would seem that my lost love was saying to move one with life but i cant, wish i could have saved her...
Wish it were me than her.

Perched in my old abandoned apartment i could hear the wind blow through the dead furniture and rubble which was my only temporary sanctuary, my place of solitude form the world i live on with... I need ot escape this hell hole i need to see life as it was 3 years agao before any of this started.

I am a fugitive.

Running from a syndicate group called MyRiad which experiments with a drug that enhances ones thinking abilities and physical attributes to make the perfect soldier, coming from special forces i was merely in the age of 19 when i volunteered to joing and use this new drug of the millenia, but after a couple of missions i finally gave up on it so i resigned. After a few months people called the MR5 kept coming on my dorrstep in front of my wife pleading me to come back to the force and work for them, but i never was meant for this i glady said no. I could see it in their eyes that they werent happy with this outcome and they would be back.

I know inside my heart that i was ready to kill those people who have destroyed my life which was and now is in shattered dreams and dead voices which haunt me. I have an old weapon from the 21 century called a .38 calibur on my right hand aiming at the side of my head ready to end it all at once so no one will ever know i existed. Cocking my barre, spinning it then with a click i gradually chucked it in the gun piece pulled out the firing cock back almost squeezing the trigger. I could feel the adrenaline and fear building up so fast that it almost briought in the flashbacks of that day 3 years ago, her beautiful face destroyed by those men in trench coats, the voices and screams loudly shouting at me and the thought odf me running away from all of this...how pathetic.

I couldnt do it. I layed it down crossed around my hands and lightly edging myself face down on the ground closing my eyes, i then heard the ground which im standing on move like there was a thousand horses running about. Was i alone here? No it couldnt be... they have found me again!
Damn i was sure that i got away for good but they still not giving up on me becaus ethey know i was the best in the experiments but the MR5 will not rest for me not even for a cup of coffee. I grappled my gas mask and goggles and straped it on with my face, put on my boots, holstered my gun and samurai in my sheath.

Then they barged in like a thousand chariots on the door firing their Mg's at them all hailing bullets on the steel chair facing the window in which i stood there before i ducked aside. I hear their big footsteps pacing slowly inside the room scanning for lifesigns for my existance in this vicinity, they were dead all ove rtheir faces all covered with white gasmasks in their trench coats. I knew who they were, theey were the one who kill the one i loved once...but they were all the same all of them were the best of the MyRiad special forces and i know they werent here for the glory, im aiming for the bigger fish, the main source of this madness and these goons which they sent me just waste my time and are not my concern for now.

I ran straight for the window ablazing till the goons caught me with their red eyes and started wasting ammon with not hit on me whatsoever...I crashed throguh the window from one building into a smaller building 8 storeys lower on the rooftop till i ran for safety ducking the bullets raining down on me from heavens above...then i dissapeared.
I know they wil be back for me i just have to wait it out slowly and surely but someday they will pay and revenge is always served cold with a dash of poisoned death at the side.

For this is my Gasmask theory.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Loveless

We live in two worlds
Entwined in destiny,
Toiled by fate....
Rooted in desires unmatched.
Damned by evil!!
Centered in our hearts...
Forever struggled against everything else.
The masks we wear are a part of us that still remains untouched...

Still remember life as we know it, without love there is not point in the world we have to understand and appreciate...Maybe its the blood rarely pumping inside of me which kills me slowly, or is it a burden i still carry within me...No a small recollection of that i have lost maybe?? I for one feel that same stupid progression in my mind: Plan A which is to lay back on a steel chair with my head tilted upwards into the sky, halfnaked with a gasmask on my face. A .38 calibur on my right hand pointing it right near the side of my head....ready to just end it. Suicide my friend? I think i should just leave it to my other personas for now, still battling the few instances where I felt weak, where I felt useless, I bit the hand that feeds me....Utter SHIT! or Loveless....

Someday I have to choose whether to start anew with silenced memories of the past or still remain the untouched youth I am with feelings and memories which taunt me everytime i close my eyes... I befriend, I like, I love, I lost and I let go because its the circle of life and theres nothing i can do about it....

Today was a hazy rainy day even though its summer, I was suppose to go bowing with my 2 gurly friends Erin and Sarah today but when we met they decided not to go even though i would pay for 1 full hour of play *shakes fist at them* >__< but yeah we just went around mall hopping and going around the music stores looking for stuff, ended up in starbucks and hunky dorry went home not satisfied with what has happened but pretty much kept a straight face when i was with the girls so theres nothing to it.

So all in all it wasnt so bad, it was just an honest mistake.
Ill cya around!
~Ray

Friday, June 03, 2005

All is done & all is well...

"Close your eyes and see
that the rain has fall
Ans when our heart become one in unison
OUr voices will call each other out...
I guess you can take my hand."

Today wasnt so bad cos i woke up early this morning and did what i usually do in my hectic and enclosed life...Nothing but relax but today was the meeting of our "ModnarKik" Group, which really is composed of Me and 3 other girls namely Shelley Filiatraut, Ashley Fromin and Tara-Lynn Kozma-Perrin and theyre swell gals and they are one of those people i was talking about in the preivious posts. Weve decided the art show sisnt gonna make it so weve went to our main project which will be situated in the school campus of UCFV and yeah its gonna be a big, red fabric maze 80 x40 meters in length and weve jotted down the few require ments of the group.


The bad news was Shelley is moving to Kelowna, BC in July with a friend and its a total shock that she wont be with us in college T__T (Me and Tara were speechless) im gonna miss her but thats life i tell you, cant change it but only adapt...Shell only come during shows so thats a low thing for us members... but headed out early before 9 pm and Sheely drove here rickety station wagon (should have gone with her) and Tara went home walking (Should have walked with her) but Ashley wasnt present cos she was in Vancouver...and me i went home also walking thinking why i still have this small feelings for Shelley leaving... From the firs time i went to Highschool she was one of the coolest girls who ever befriended me and ive grown over her, cant tell her how i feel cos i already know she likes older and mature acting guys and im the yougin in the group of friends she has >__> maybe someday when the time is right or she would realize from her bad relationships and bondings with other men that the only one who stuck with her during those awkward moments of being rejected or not loved is that i was thereat times to pat her at the back and give her advice...But alas maybe when she realizes it, i might already have my love and it would never work between us, Kinda sad but life plays in different roles everytime *sigh* I love her as a sister and almsot like someone i care about, i hope she realizes that someday. I should really give her one of my bracelets as a going away present so she knows im somewhat special in her life :)


Oh well dreamers and visionaries can dream cant they???!

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Unforgiving doubts

"Lost my way...
Lost my mind....
Lord im fine." ~El Manana - Gorillaz

Today i was just thinking, Im sorta distracted in a way that i cant see myself no more and that reality is just a phase that i cannot commit myself in...Everything is too naroow, to orderly and chaotic! Heck i dont know if im suppose to be here. as if theres no point in being right or wrong, just as long as everything just goes and dies away....I wish that life would be more forgiving, more sentimental maybe, or something concrete that i would actually make myself make sense in the whole world! I should someday scream at myselves all at once and shatter the mirrors that haunt and taunt me in every direction, but now it seems that i cannot destroy them all at once and if i do i destroy pieces of myself. Am i making sense even?!!


I am at the brink of my utter melancholy...you know the positive opposite of depression, yes i have already known that it wasnt depression that was haunting me during my highschool years from grade 7 to grade 12 but always shadowed it with my other emotions that i couldnt even see it! I have suffered the melancholy of existance, love and self hateful sorrow and i dont know how this can be in my life right now? Having something you care about is the most hardest to hold in the palm of your hand because its like a bird really.... The lighter you hold it, It flies away; The tighter you hold it, It dies in your hand... Many limitations i set myself in, many of which if people knew they would say i was the most stupid fool youll ever meet. Maybe i need to open my mind to reality, maybe i need some sort of inspiration again and a nother chance in love someday, such a fool i am!
But today was good for me i guess, our family has a Dodge caravan for our family car and weve never been happier...Ive seen the sadness in the world and i try my best not to show it and also try to help the people who are linked to it. I take pride in saying that i am the " Guardian to the gates of death" the "Guide for the lost", "Healer of sadness" and "Observer of life". I am one of those people who you will sometimes meet at the end of the road because i will protect the people i love and care in my heart and no one can take that away...!!
I cannot say i love this certain person because ive never met her yet...
But surely and in time i will, be it fate or destiny i will hand my life over to GOD himself and hope for the best.
Because i believe.
I need to drink coffee now...cya later. XD